Monday, February 17, 2014

what will lead us?

here i am..
typing with my laptop. feeling anxious for no reason.
yes, i am 25 ordinary man who's trying to live my life to the max while i can.
well, everything went smoothly i guess. well.. i guess.
i think the only problem that i am having is just love again.
love.. love.. love...
here we are, spending our every single second in this sphere planet, where trillions of peoples living in this globe. But i guess everyone is looking for love which what everyone is looking for. yet, no one ever get the eternal love like romeo and juliet. well, maybe it was just a plain old story that the story was made just to ease our pain sorrow that what everyone is facing. i guess, i dont know. but, maybe putting a hope to every sole heart that there is a 'chance'. chance of falling in love and be loved.

my best friend, who graduated from Raffles and holding advance degree, where she is working in high street fashion. got no problem with her appearance and successful in her life. yet, she couldnt get the man she was hoping for. everyone just come and go. is this world turning to some O.N.S world or do human just forgot what is love and is the existent of 'love' is not recognize anymore?

love is complicated. yes. it is. there is no such thing as a pair of man and woman dancing at the park and scurrying here and there, chasing over each other. stop dreaming like you will get one. i thought that i will able to feel what i see on TV where so many loves shared. so many tears and kisses couple shares. but the reality? boom. jawdropped. hollywood is very good in  producing something that everyone is hoping for. thats why romance movie is always top in box office.

here i am again.. typing some stupid things about love. well, i guess, there are times that we have to grab something, like computer for example, type all the things that we want, burst every single things that we want to say. hoping that by then, at least we can taste a bit of happiness. sometimes, i really do feel like getting myself out of this town, where too many peoples crowding the roads and streets, just get my butt out from this metropolitan and strand myself in one island. where i can think of.. absolutely NOTHING! i dont have to worry abotu my bills, my laundries, my piles of works, getting myself so neat all the time. i can be just myself solely. no problem. if you ever think that i will feel lonely by then, think again. am i feeling lonely now? answer:YES. if i go to island, where i can feel like having the peace of the world, feeling lonely?YES, but, on the other hand, i can get so much peace and LIFE. clubs, smashing around with new hotties is not listed in the game now. TBH, i found it very boring cus you gonna ruin yourself up. the next day, you dont even remember of them anymore and next week, you gonna do the same shit again.. total boredom of freaking life.

if i ever think again, what will lead us? what are things that waiting for in the future that might able to spark up the excitement again? what will stood up from this life that we feel like we are alive again?

Monday, June 17, 2013

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Answer

if there's a thousand miles to where i belong, i will definitely go.
if i can find the righteous, i will definitely work hard to get it.
if you are the answers to my questions,
I will definitely gonna find you.

thousand of cherry blossom petals fall down, same goes to human.
lives and dies every single day
but will i ever find the righteous answers after all.

if you can find the answer
i will follow you.
i will protect you.
i will guard you from anything
that might stop your way
because i need to know the answer
of Love.

walked at darkest of road.
ordinary always.
seems like nothing can lead me
to where i want to be.
maybe i slipped my eyes to see the answer
that is why i need you
to lead the way for me
and could be, you are the answer of all.
I just feel so lonely.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Me when i was 15 and Me after 10 years

Life.. changing without waiting for no one. gone and keep repenting every bits of memories to real life and now, here I am. Standing as a career man, knowing i could achieve higher level in the future.. but while i am aiming high, i wonder how far i would like to achieve. people just never stop dream to be achieving high to be who they wanted to be but in the end of the day.. you have missed every single chance of memoirs of seconds that might be something so valuable in your life.

Now, i am in the same phase. try to reach out the best of me in career. i do love my job now. i really do. working in tourism is just like a dream cus what makes me happy is only travel. seeing other people's culture and what makes other place different than ours. but.. i guess i have lacked of time of balancing my life and also my career life. something that i never want to in the first place.

i watched anime and somehow i felt so envy and jealous of how people's life can turned into something so happening and wonderful even piled up with works and obligations. i have my own responsibilities and obligations.. but i think maybe mine is greater than any other friends of mine that stop me for being just like them.

Here i am, expressing my feeling into this virtual page where no one can even know how to find it other than myself. i still remember how great it was when back at 15.. where there is nothing i could think of other than my homework, my squash, my music and iron my uniform at midnight. things were different at that time. there is no problem at all at that time. i was really understand the meaning of joy and happiness. whenever i got back from school, my mom cooked my favorite sambal ayam with some steam vegetable but now, i guess fast food is the only food that i consumed everyday.

Love, yeah... there were so much puppy love that i was mingled around at that time.. i was famous and i have been loved by everyone not only by my friends, even teachers really love me too. even though they were puppy love, beats of your heart will still the same as true love. when you touched by the one, your heart pounds really hard as its gonna explode. well, i have experienced it. i did enjoy back then. but again, 10 years has passed and never know its gonna be a 'history' and its not as easy to gained 'love' from everyone nowdays as everyone is conservative and not sharing their love to other people. i guess maybe everyone just feel the same and thats why they just try to save even a tiny bit of their love to themselves to save their own from feeling lonely. but i guess same goes to me. i guess i am scared to love since everything is so messed up and i dont even have time to fall in love. i compressed my love towards people nowdays. i was not like this before. i was so loved and loving too. again, maybe i should not compare myself with the past 10 years ago.

A decade, could change everything about you, about me. i wonder, where i can really find my true self again. i am completely lost. what i can say now is. i miss myself.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The end of the chapter

My heart was blessed with joys and laughter
My world was filled with you
Somehow, I can sense that its gonna end one day
and I realised today is the day

My world burned....
My life is empty...
And you have walked away...
A thousand miles deep digged inside..
And let me be just be with me...

Another step... Thinking...
Another crawl... World falls apart..
Another chance just like a dream in fairy tale..
Will my life stop here forever?

Wanting miracles happen..
So I can turn back time
seeing the memories of us is precious
Now I am here and will I be invisible
To you...?

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Last resort

My dear blog, thanks for always be there for me when I need you. Twitter is not always be the platform for me to express my feeling. Sometimes, something too personal can't be describe and spell out to the public... Not every people ready to listen everytime we are sad.. But no matter where I am, where I go... When I have no place to burst out my tears, u are there for me.. Although u r just a system.. But u r my best friend.

Today Loli, today I just feel sad... By tomorrow, I will going back to my house... And I'm not able to take a look of the person anymore.. And I didn't get special thing that I've been looking for everyday... The thing that I was looking forward every single night.. Why must be tonight.. The last day of my vacation of happiness... I don't wanna feel like this..I hate this feeling...

I just watched 'hachiko' a dog story about how loyal the dog to the owner... How it loves its owner... I wonder... Is there any person out there to love me and care of me like hachiko? Is there any person out there to be my crying shoulder whenever I need them? Everyone is scurring getting the direction to their goal... And u can't expect that they will always be there for u.. That's the fact. But, I wish... I wish... Anyone out there.. Will one day...

I've been troubling the person too much... I realized it.. But I just can't stop feel like this... Sorry for this... Sorry for all the things that I've done wrong.. Thank you for everything.. Thanks for ur care.. Thanks for the concern.. Thanks for the happiness u brought into my life.. Thanks for U.

Am I become too spoilt brat? Wanting every single pieces of life to be sweet? Am I asking too much in this world? If yes, then... I have no words to say...

After 30 minutes...

she came in to the room... Hugging me and asked me why... Tears burst down like never... I'm gonna miss her..she will always be the one for me... Always be the greatest... We cried and cried... The last day that thought will be the worst turned out to be the best day...

We shared and shared many things... We talked things out.. We laughed and chatted for quite some time... You are the person I have been waiting for...

You told me.. "You really understand me" and that is the best thing I've ever heard from u.. Thank u...

I guess let the reality be my dream story for tonight...

Love u guys..

~Love to infinity~

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone