The Answer

if there's a thousand miles to where i belong, i will definitely go.
if i can find the righteous, i will definitely work hard to get it.
if you are the answers to my questions,
I will definitely gonna find you.

thousand of cherry blossom petals fall down, same goes to human.
lives and dies every single day
but will i ever find the righteous answers after all.

if you can find the answer
i will follow you.
i will protect you.
i will guard you from anything
that might stop your way
because i need to know the answer
of Love.

walked at darkest of road.
ordinary always.
seems like nothing can lead me
to where i want to be.
maybe i slipped my eyes to see the answer
that is why i need you
to lead the way for me
and could be, you are the answer of all.

I just feel so lonely.

Me when i was 15 and Me after 10 years

Life.. changing without waiting for no one. gone and keep repenting every bits of memories to real life and now, here I am. Standing as a career man, knowing i could achieve higher level in the future.. but while i am aiming high, i wonder how far i would like to achieve. people just never stop dream to be achieving high to be who they wanted to be but in the end of the day.. you have missed every single chance of memoirs of seconds that might be something so valuable in your life.

Now, i am in the same phase. try to reach out the best of me in career. i do love my job now. i really do. working in tourism is just like a dream cus what makes me happy is only travel. seeing other people's culture and what makes other place different than ours. but.. i guess i have lacked of time of balancing my life and also my career life. something that i never want to in the first place.

i watched anime and somehow i felt so envy and jealous of how people's life can turned into something so happening and wonderful even piled up with works and obligations. i have my own responsibilities and obligations.. but i think maybe mine is greater than any other friends of mine that stop me for being just like them.

Here i am, expressing my feeling into this virtual page where no one can even know how to find it other than myself. i still remember how great it was when back at 15.. where there is nothing i could think of other than my homework, my squash, my music and iron my uniform at midnight. things were different at that time. there is no problem at all at that time. i was really understand the meaning of joy and happiness. whenever i got back from school, my mom cooked my favorite sambal ayam with some steam vegetable but now, i guess fast food is the only food that i consumed everyday.

Love, yeah... there were so much puppy love that i was mingled around at that time.. i was famous and i have been loved by everyone not only by my friends, even teachers really love me too. even though they were puppy love, beats of your heart will still the same as true love. when you touched by the one, your heart pounds really hard as its gonna explode. well, i have experienced it. i did enjoy back then. but again, 10 years has passed and never know its gonna be a 'history' and its not as easy to gained 'love' from everyone nowdays as everyone is conservative and not sharing their love to other people. i guess maybe everyone just feel the same and thats why they just try to save even a tiny bit of their love to themselves to save their own from feeling lonely. but i guess same goes to me. i guess i am scared to love since everything is so messed up and i dont even have time to fall in love. i compressed my love towards people nowdays. i was not like this before. i was so loved and loving too. again, maybe i should not compare myself with the past 10 years ago.

A decade, could change everything about you, about me. i wonder, where i can really find my true self again. i am completely lost. what i can say now is. i miss myself.

The end of the chapter

My heart was blessed with joys and laughter
My world was filled with you
Somehow, I can sense that its gonna end one day
and I realised today is the day

My world burned....
My life is empty...
And you have walked away...
A thousand miles deep digged inside..
And let me be just be with me...

Another step... Thinking...
Another crawl... World falls apart..
Another chance just like a dream in fairy tale..
Will my life stop here forever?

Wanting miracles happen..
So I can turn back time
seeing the memories of us is precious
Now I am here and will I be invisible
To you...?


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Last resort

My dear blog, thanks for always be there for me when I need you. Twitter is not always be the platform for me to express my feeling. Sometimes, something too personal can't be describe and spell out to the public... Not every people ready to listen everytime we are sad.. But no matter where I am, where I go... When I have no place to burst out my tears, u are there for me.. Although u r just a system.. But u r my best friend.

Today Loli, today I just feel sad... By tomorrow, I will going back to my house... And I'm not able to take a look of the person anymore.. And I didn't get special thing that I've been looking for everyday... The thing that I was looking forward every single night.. Why must be tonight.. The last day of my vacation of happiness... I don't wanna feel like this..I hate this feeling...

I just watched 'hachiko' a dog story about how loyal the dog to the owner... How it loves its owner... I wonder... Is there any person out there to love me and care of me like hachiko? Is there any person out there to be my crying shoulder whenever I need them? Everyone is scurring getting the direction to their goal... And u can't expect that they will always be there for u.. That's the fact. But, I wish... I wish... Anyone out there.. Will one day...

I've been troubling the person too much... I realized it.. But I just can't stop feel like this... Sorry for this... Sorry for all the things that I've done wrong.. Thank you for everything.. Thanks for ur care.. Thanks for the concern.. Thanks for the happiness u brought into my life.. Thanks for U.

Am I become too spoilt brat? Wanting every single pieces of life to be sweet? Am I asking too much in this world? If yes, then... I have no words to say...

After 30 minutes...

she came in to the room... Hugging me and asked me why... Tears burst down like never... I'm gonna miss her..she will always be the one for me... Always be the greatest... We cried and cried... The last day that thought will be the worst turned out to be the best day...

We shared and shared many things... We talked things out.. We laughed and chatted for quite some time... You are the person I have been waiting for...

You told me.. "You really understand me" and that is the best thing I've ever heard from u.. Thank u...

I guess let the reality be my dream story for tonight...

Love u guys..

~Love to infinity~

Simpleminor.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Predescription of 'world'

World that used to be... A peaceful world, that covered with flowers and breeze from the world that tranquille the air slowly turning to dust.. World nowdays, the peoples, hunger for power and money. Well, let's look around. Yes, money and power fulfill wishes that is on price tag. But, will it sudside the power in inner side of yours? Will it make u calm and at ease? Think back...

Money? Or freedom?

Money? Or love?

Money? Or happiness?

Well, personally money is my kick start for my daily life too, without money I can't even live my daily life... Well, to be exact.. NO LIFE! But... When I think back, do u prefer to live in ordinary life but u are happy, u love whatever u r doing, then why not? I am playing 'The Sims 3' now and this game really opened up my eyes... A sims that is rich... But if I don't fulfill their lifetime/current wishes, they won't even happy for who they are... But, a sims that owned a small cozy house but always fulfill love and other wishes, then happiness will be granted.happiness is a lifetime wish for everyone.. But, how do you describe your happiness? Love? Life? Climbing the ladder for ur job? Or basically, YOU, yourself.

I always think that my lifetime wish will be love. I think love will determine my whole life. If I found my true love, then loneliness, sadness, tears, will eventually dissapear. Seeing the person in front of you is enough to make your day. A laughter of the person will be my drug to be extraordinary, a simple joke of the person will make me smile and continue this journey of my life peacefully.

I love 'LOVE'

Searching for my love now... And I think... I may found one... But, let the love chapter tell it soon. But, well, I'm kinda like that person. :)

Love... Is just not about it. It is subjective.

~love today to infinity~



Simpleminor.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

New friends... New family

Never had imagine in my life that now... This chapter.. There is such a beautiful and wonderful and the most precious chapter of all... As I flashed back of all my life, I guess this one is the best chapter I've ever had other than my childhood chapter. As what my dream always entertain me with wonderful lullaby and imaginary friends... For few years.. That never stop be my crying shoulder, I guess I have found one. The real one. Its almost hard to believe as I think of it again and again... Its like too good to be true... They appeared when the time I need them most...

Amirul Hatta..
Amalina Hazwani...
Nurul Amira...

These three fellows really gave a big impact in my life. But mostly, amirul hatta is the person that always bring me joy and happiness in my life... So do to wani (Uda) and (miyya). Guys... Although.. I knew u guys for a month plus.. Its like I've known u guys forever..

But mirul... Eversince I've known u... My perception towards people.. About human... Changed. 16 years old boy really opened my eyes and see people in diffrent angle...

20 thing about you...

I listed it down at twitter... That's all about you. You change my life. U give me hope. U found my heart.. Like only a woman can... Hehe.. Not woman.. Sorry.. Hehe..

Mirul... When my life turn to smoke in the air and nothing I can hang to.. U came to my life and ur smile... Really revived me... A smile that I've never ever get from anyone else...

I wish I can stay like forever.. But we never know what's god has created the paths for us after this.. But.. I want u to know that... Thank you.

You are my guardian angel. U brought me back to life. U give me a second chance to live. U given me chance to know u more. You given me a chance to get to know u. Thank you. Once again.

This is like a dream... And I think I have fulfill my wish already in my life. I've wished once when I was about 12 years old to have a friend like u. Exactly like u. I even dreamt someone like u. The imaginary friend. I guess God has heard my wish...

Hehehe.. I may be exeggerating too much about it.. But every words I say is true...

And to uda, u r the best girl I've ever met... Thank you for always be there when I'm down. U never let me down. U never let me making my sad face.. I love ur 'peaceeee' smile. :) love u uda..

Miyya.. U always act like our mummy.. U always smile and be patient with us.. Thank you very much. I love ur maya karin's face.. Never ever let me down. I love ur cooks too... Walla!

Best friends forever guys.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone